Pfunksfoolosophy

I’ve been looking through some old notebooks, in an attempt to restore some order to my room and my life and I came across a series of exchanges between  a former paramour and me. It’s pretty funny. He and I were writing notes to one another as we sat in a bar. It was his way of flirting with me while still maintaining contact with his pals while we were drinking. It reads like note passing in high school. He started by asking me if I thought he was cute. He included little boxes marked ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘ewww, you’re gross’ and ‘ask me after a couple more drinks’. I had written in another box ‘i’m old enough to be your really cool, really hot babysitter’. The next thing he wrote was, ‘all of my babysitters were old ladies’. I wrote, ‘well, there you have it’. THEN, things got hot, let me tell you…he wrote, ‘but you’re not old, you’re a hottie’. That made my heart flutter. A young, goodlooking single  male found me ‘hot’. I wrote him as much and included a valentine heart in full throb.

This went on for several pages, the handwriting growing increasingly illegible and as I recall, we sealed the deal with a passionate, messy kiss. We dated for about 2 weeks. When you’re a woman of middle age and you embark on a romantic adventure with a man nto quite half your age, you set yourself up for disappointment. Your points of reference are but a history lesson for your lover. The bloom leaves the rose fairly quickly, but fortunately no harm comes to either party.

There are plenty of land mines when you date out of your age range. You like what is now termed ‘Classic Rock’, they like ‘alt-rock’. You don’t even know what that means. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Still, the guy is cute and energetic and he’s willing to learn. This makes you stay long after you know that you have absolutely no future. Lust can take you a long way, my friends.

I know what you’re thinking: What about love? (don’t start singing that song by ‘Heart’) Well, love has a place to be sure, but the biological imperative takes a strong hold…Maybe by dating younger men, I’m avoiding any real emotional commitment. Perhaps I’m clinging to my youth by allowing myself to be pursued by the younger bucks in the herd. Who knows? I don’t have the extra cash for therapy and it’s not really much of a bother. Plus, men my age are dating much younger women and have little need for me. I told one of my friends that he should have a bumper sticker that reads, ‘My girlfriend is an Honor Roll Student at P.S. 127′. He didn’t find the humor.