Pfunksfoolosophy

Get yourselves a cup of coffee and a snack ’cause this is pretty good.
Last evening, after work I had to go to Duane Reade for a couple of things and there was a bit of commotion…you’ll never guess what it was. NEVER.

I’m waiting…nope it wasn’t a penis book BUT a penis was involved! That’s right, this guy beeped when he  ENTERED the store (drunkenly) and BEEPED as he tried to exit. Let me set the scene for you: He was about the height of a 6th grader and was wearing the dirtiest, filthiest clothing I have ever seen…and I’ve seen some filth in my day. His hair was the mad scientist meets  nutty professor variety and he was riproarin’ drunk. Need I tell you that he was unshaven? I think not. Okay, anyway… one of the crack security team for the store pounces on the guy. (the security guy was about 5′ nothin’ btw) There is a scuffle. I move forward in line because I don’t want to be a gawker. Well, sir…they drag him past me to the front of the store. His trousers were around his ankles. He was NOT wearing underpants. The kids standing behind me were Asian and didn’t speak much English, but I had to turn around for confirmation. I gave them the ‘did you get a load of that?’ look.

They totally got it and shook their heads. They tried to communicate with me and it was brilliant. We shared the humor in Chinese and English. But wait–it gets better. I check out and split, but it had started raining to beat the band since I’d entered the store. Needed an umbrella. Went back in. The security guy—let’s call him ‘inch high private eye’, was berating the poor drunken half nekkid shoplifter.

“Pull your pants UP!”

Drunken guy to his credit, said nothing. He staggered to an upright position and commenced to hitching his pants up. Then, ‘inch high private eye’ really went after him.

“You don’t steal from my store! Sit down and shut up!”
Now, I just told you that he wasn’t speaking, right? Yeah. Inch high was suffering from short man’s disease…total Napoleon complex. Too bad.

These Middle Eastern kids were behind me in line (kids…they were easily in their  20s) and one of them objected to how inch high was treating Nekkid Shoplifter. He said something like, ‘Just call the cops and stop speaking to him like that’.

WELL, Inch High came rushing over to tell Peacelover to ’shut up’, totally forgetting that Duane Reade is a business and that people can complain online and he could very well lose his job if enough people complain about him…Peacenik says, ‘Hey, I am just letting you know that you don’t have to subject your customers to this. We’re all getting very nervous about the way you’re speaking to that man’

In truth, I was NOT nervous…I was watching it like an episode of ‘Cops’. You know, Peacenik had a point…there’s never a time when it’s okay to strip someone of their dignity. Sure, Nekkid Shoplifter was in the wrong for stealing…and for not having underpants on…you don’t even want to know….I quote Ophelia from “Hamlet”…”Woe is me to see what I have seen–to see what I see” Whoo, Nellie. Put me off my feed for a couple of hours.

Where was I? Yeah…even if the guy was a shoplifter, there was no reason to treat him and speak to him like an animal. I was also glad that a kid who is probably racially profiled every day due to him being Sikh had the presence of mind to SPEAK his mind, regardless of what others may think of him. I told him as much as we both walked out into the rainy night. You know what he said?  “That’s the way G-d wants us all to be”

Hmm. Food for thought. We’re all one. I keep saying that, huh?