Pfunksfoolosophy

I know that you guys have been wondering about my online dating…I’m pretty sure that is why you visit me. That and the wonderfully snappy prose that I pump out on a regular basis…I’m heavily medicated due to a knee thing going on, so bear with me.

I have been involved in a semi-regular email correspondence with a couple of fellas who are funny, insightful and just flirty enough to keep me interested…this is groovy, right? Well, you can be the judge. It seems one of them was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. “The deuce you say!” No, for realsies… after a couple of getting to know you emails he dropped the bomb on me last evening. It went a little something like this (mind you this was in an IM chat):

Me: Hey, how’s your week going so far? I’m doing okay, but busy.

Him(Let’s call him Dr. McCreepy): Oh, I was just masturbating to your picture earlier today.

Me(Let’s call me Wide eyed and heading to the shower): Damn my eyes, I wish I was blind! WHAT did you just say?

McCreepy: Seriously, I can’t wait to (insert dirty word for sex) you. Are you busy tonight?

Me: Shut up. What brought this on?

McCreepy: You have got a seriously hot rack.

Me: Uh-huh. Did I ever give you an indication that I wanted to hop on pop so soon?

Sir Creepsalot: You sure made it sound like we were getting along and going in that direction.

Me: We haven’t even had a DATE yet?

Creepy McYikes: I’m not interested in a long term relationship. I’m already married.

Me: (unprintable)

then I told him that he misrepresented himself since I asked him what he was looking for and he said that he was looking for a girlfriend. He also told me that he was single.

The rest is really, really unprintable. I was not Christian in my response. I know that I could have reacted in another way, but I chose not to…my bad.

We will not be going to dinner on Monday evening as planned.

Okay, that was the first guy. He’s out. Here’s the positive thing…

I am in ‘talks’ with a guy from Spain. He’s from the same town as an ex of mine. He’s willing to teach me Spanish. (I already do, but not fluently.) He’s cute. He’s 28. I am going to hell. I don’t care. He’s not mentioned sex. He has an accent even when he emails me. Mama like.

Wish me luck. I’ve got another guy on the back burner, but I like to keep my options open. Maybe the Spanish guy will pan out. Esta bien.