Pfunksfoolosophy

If I’ve been lax in my duties as blogger, it’s because I’ve been working hard trying to find the right domain name for my new blog. You’d be surprised how many great names are taken. When I find the right one, I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, I wanted to let you know that my good pal Sassy , has offered to host me.

This is a blessing. I’m grateful to her and her husband for the offer. You know, we’re all stewards for one another afterall, aren’t we? You never know where your blessings are going to come from and you never know how you you impact someone’s life until you know.

Didja get that? We may be blogging for money, or to vent or just to have a place to create something for ourselves, but I think that sometimes our words have an influence and we may say something that changes the way one person thinks.

That’s important to me. It’s important that I give something of value since I take so very much from this world. Here’s to living a life with meaning. Here’s to living a life with purpose. Here’s to you, my good friends. Thanks for continuing to read.

So, Roberta  I thank you. Whatever you’re doing on your site, I have trouble loading it. So, that’s why I’ve not been there in recent days. It slows my computer down and takes forever to load. Me no gettee.

Angie , your help has been and is invaluable. Let’s keep on rockin’, sister!
Jason is so cute, he called to ask me what kind of apple juice you like.

APPLE JUICE?

Aww, guys…we’re all gonna make it home okay.

I was walking home from work, dog tired and feeling a little stressed when I look down and see come crumpled up paper on the ground. I look closer and guess what? It was a couple of bills. Yep, a five and a couple of ones. I looked around to see if someone had dropped it and there was no one in sight.

Is it a reward for my Pollyanna Challenge? Hmm, I don’t know, but I bought myself some ice cream with it.

Ben and Jerry’s Dublin Mudslide. Never made it to my watering hole because I was so tired, but the ice cream is delightful. I felt badly because I couldn’t figure out what to do with the cash. Surely some poor sap had dropped it. I have been that poor sap and I’ve dropped hundreds in my day. Seriously, I have dropped HUNDREDS. I once lost my wallet in a movie theater, right after I’d cashed my check. Never recovered that wallet.

With any luck, the person who DID find it and NOT return it is experiencing horribly bad luck. Karma, doncha know.

Karma answers my call in increments, but that’s groovy.

Seems like another win/win sitch to me.

Well, kids…I’m going to be leaving work early tonight. Relatively early considering the fact that my shift is 4-11…eh. Anyway, I was thinking that I would stroll on over to my favorite watering hole to hang out with my pals. Hmm, haven’t been there in months and after one close encounter (and not one of any import) with a comely stranger am I thinking that my eyes will befall him again and THIS time I won’t drool on him?
You know what? (You know lots of ‘whats’, here’s mine) I’m going home. I’m too doggone tarred.  I need to just relax with a superblock of ‘Back to the Future’. Yeah. My cable company has the movies on demand and on HBO, we’ve got the Back to the Future Trilogy. I suppose it’s because they don’t want us to see any new movies. Yep, I’m paying for cable, my one friggin’ treat, my one big expense and I’m paying to watch movies I already own. I think that’s fair.

Whoa, this blog turned into a bit of a rant. Hmmm…Where’s Pollyanna? Has it…is it…has it been a week yet?

heh. I knew that would get ya.

Gotta mambo…life calls.

The Pollyanna deal is going strong, but I have been sorely tested. I won’t go into it because that would be crabbing, which I am NOT going to do…how are you guys doing? Did you take the challenge?
I hope so.
I’ve spoken with my nephew, in case you were wondering. He’s doing great, has a job interview next week and is looking forward to going back to school and getting his life in order. He sounds much more mature and has a plan. That is a groovy thing.

So many times you just hold your breath when you’d be better served by just trusting. Trusting that somewhere in the deep recesses of their brains, your kids actually KNOW right from wrong and they’ll apply that knowledge effectively in their lives. When we worry, we create the problems. We manifest them, don’t we? We can be our own worst enemies in that regard. It’s a challenge every day for us to remain positive, which is why I am earnestly making the effort to maintain a positive outlook no matter the situation.

It gets easier and easier and I find that I’m back to my old genial self. I love nothing more than laughing and seeing the joy in the world. Sometimes that human mess really gets me bound up. Not today.

Ain’t nothin’ gonna break-a my stride…INDEED.

Talk to you soon. Off to work.

Pray for me.

As you know, my blog is going to move. Thanks to a great friend, who will remain nameless until I get her permission to use it, I’ll move with relative ease.

In the meantime, I’d like to tell you that my Pollyanna deal is going pretty well. Just the other day, after only two hours of sleep, I made it to work and had a laugh a minute with my co-worker Tiffany. She’s younger, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders and she’s a peach. Smart young lady as well. She kept my energy level up, which was much needed. Even my iced coffee gave me the monkey nerves.
Never heard of the monkey nerves? Well, it’s a combination of paranoia and a case of the giggles. Add a touch of being completely slap happy and you’ve got the monkey nerves. At first, you think you can manage, but sooner or later, you just want to slap yourself sane.

If you have someone who is relatively sane near you and they are compassionate, it’s a good thing.
Ah, in other news, I’m reading this book about Cleopatra. It’s fiction and written as her memoir, and I’m really enjoying it, thankfully.

See  that? Thankful. Thankful I have a book to read, thankful I CAN read and finally, thankful that I am enjoying it. It’s compelling but I only read it when I take the subway to work so I’m chomping at the bit to read more. I’m currently on the ‘third scroll’ which is about half way through it. The writer seems to have done her research, so I’m instantly transported to Alexandria…well, right now Rome, but still. It’s compelling.

I love history and seem to gravitate towards stories about strong women. Gives me hope.

Sorry that I haven’t had much to report these days. I’ve been  trying to work on my pretzel book. I have a deadline. DEADLINE.

Oy vey.

Hope you are all well and trying out the Pollyanna Challenge. It’s getting easier every day.

Isn’t it? WELL, ISN’T IT?

heh. that laughed me.

While I don’t want to go into the details here…I saw one  of the most beautiful men Friday night. He was nearly flawless. He’s a well known actor. I have reserved him for one of my dear friends…to be her boyfriend. He doesn’t know it yet.

It’s probably a very, very good idea that he doesn’t  know it. He would think  me mad. I am a little crazy, but he’s cute and funny and has a nice build. He’s rock solid. Hubba hubba….maybe I’m choosing him for her so I can gawk at him. He’s too pretty to actually touch. NO, he’s  not ‘pretty’…he’s handsome, but man…I have to confess…I wanted to lick his face.

Is that wrong?

 Since I took my little break from blogging, I’ve come to realize that I like blogging as much as I like reading other people’s blogs. I feel as though I have a responsibility to you folks, though.

Lately, I’ve been one big crabfest and that is over. There’s no reason to complain every time I sit down to write…no reason at all. Venting is one thing, but the crabbing. I am sick of myself.

SO, I put a challenge to you all. Go for one day without complaining about something. Try to remain positive regardless of what happens. Chances are, it won’t be that difficult for you, so take it to one week without complaining. Now, I mean about anything. I vow that my blog will have no complaints regarding roommates, co-workers or horny Craigslist respondents. I won’t write about the tourists and the slow walking. No, I am going to remain positive today.

I will go to work with a smile on my face and the smile will remain there, regardless  of what  happens.

Do you think you’re up to the task?
Let’s see how we do. No cheating, no crabbing…we’re going to make a conscious choice to be happy and to remain positive.

I feel better already.

According to this article, the guy offered TWENTY BUCKS for an ‘unspecified’ sex act.

Twenty bucks? He deserved to get pinched by the law doggies. You’d think he probably drops more than that at strip clubs.

I’m not advocating infidelity or prostitution, but I think a fair wage for a job is only decent.

Here’s the link:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/07/12/mccain.campaign/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
Somehow, I miss Bill  Clinton’s problems.

Well, my nephew is no longer on the ‘do right ranch’ and he sounds great. He’s asking us to be patient with him as he makes his choices. He said this on the phone while he was playing video games with a kid who got him in trouble in the first place. I hold my breath every time I hear that he’s had any contact with this kid. The thing is, the kid’s mom and I used to chat. It seemed like we had the same values. I didn’t know that she and her ‘husband’ were pot smokers of the ‘cheech and chong’ variety. Well, maybe not that bad, but they did smoke and to me, that’s just plain irresponsible. When my kid took the fall for her kid, she did nothing. When I called her on it, she waffled. Too bad. Hmm, MY kid made a stupid choice. These two have been friends since kindergarten or first grade. It’s been so long that I can’t remember. His mother is clearly enabling him. She points a finger at my kid, but hers is just an undercover thug who hides behind her skirt when he finds himself in trouble. I’m uneasy that my ’son’ is at their home right now.

I’m nervous that he’s going to fall for his friend’s bullshit. The main challenge here is in me trusting in G-d’s ability to touch lives. I live on faith. It’s sort of second nature, but right now, in this moment, I am overwhelmed. It’s wonderful to know that I can call my kid whenever I wish and that he can get in touch with me and we can laugh or just ‘be’…but there’s that little ‘thing’ nagging at me. I’ve just got to trust that my kid will know enough to move away from that environment. Trust that he’s going to follow through with his plans. He wants to get a job and has an interview tomorrow. He wants to move forward and to achieve his goals. He sounds positive. He KNOWS he’s loved.

Stop holding your breath, Pfunk. Breathe.

I will take my own advice today. Like it says in the song, ‘this is no social crisis, just another tricky day for you’ and the ice he’s skating on is getting thinner, but I’ve got faith that he’ll make it to the shore.

Lately, I have been working on understanding why people seem to feel the need to dump their attitudes, their emotional,intellectual and spiritual weaknesses on my doorstep.

I am very direct and fairly precise in my language. I do not go out of my way to hurt anyone. There is no need for  me to create any drama or animosity. Still, I am bombarded once I arrive at certain destinations. Unfortunately, I can’t avoid at least one of them because it’s my place of employment. Is it worth it for me to work with narcissists?
Not sure. How do I benefit? That is unclear as well.

My boundaries are crossed every time I set foot in there. I am not respected. I suppose I will have to find a way to explain to my co-workers that I don’t subscribe to their ‘I can’t leave my attitude at the door’ work ethic. I understand that it’s hard for others to live their lives this way. How can they be expected to alter their behavior? It’s a lifetime of embracing their victimhood.  Only children can be victims. That’s the long and the short of it.

I’m really on the verge of moving on. It’s not worth it for me to endure the craziness. I am willing to accept my part in this. Since I don’t react the way I am expected to, they perceive me as threatening. Logically speaking, it makes sense. We feel threatened by that which we don’t understand. That’s my part.

But–I’m sick of it. I don’t need this job. I need A job. Big difference.

Sure, working in a rehearsal studio is a great gig. An easy gig. BUT, it’s the people. The insecurity, the drama. I’m too old for this crap. NO joke.

Wow, can you believe this rant? There’s so much more on my heart but it’s not going to serve anyone.

What is our part when we are in ugly situations? Do we create the drama by associating with people who thrive on it? What if we can’t avoid these people? Well, part of me feels like since I’m not the target or the cause of their dysfunction I have no part in it, but the other part of me feels as if I must at least attempt to clarify my position in whatever situation arises.

This is the fundamental challenge. I’m still working on it. Ego plays an awfully big part in this. The  older I get, the less interested I am in placing any importance on ego. Still, old habits die hard. My co-worker walked in with an attitude. I was aware of it. It wasn’t my problem. It became my problem. What do I own in this? He may have expected me to ask him what was wrong. Frankly, I didn’t care what was wrong. You leave your attitude at the door or you don’t come to work.

Come to find out, due to his disappointment with how things worked out during his day, I was the recipient of an attitude that was less than cordial. Again, not mine to own.

Here’s what I DO own: being responsible for MY feelings and speaking  my truth. I could have said, ‘I didn’t cause you to be tired or disappointed, so try not to make me your target’, but I didn’t. I fed into his bullshit. I own my inability to remove ego from it. SO, I am culpable. I am responsible for my feelings. I chose to get heated. That choice nutted me up for the rest of the night.

That steams me. These people are NOT important in my life. Not in the least. I don’t think  about them if I don’t have to, yet here I am blogging about them.

Maybe if the one fella would work his steps and take an  inventory, he’d realize that an apology is in order. That’s highly unlikely. People generally don’t make amends when it’s time…I know I don’t like to apologize, but I do. Sucks, huh?
Hey, I’m not a victim. I’m the recipient of someone’s misplaced anger.  To be frank with you, while I wanted to tell him to go fornicate himself, I felt  sorry for him. Personal growth isn’t nearly as important to him as it is to me and that’s groovy…but I can tell ya this much, next time I probably will remember that I didn’t act in accordance to my belief system.

Poor kid. Hope he makes it home okay.