Pfunksfoolosophy

Ever since I first saw “The Sound of Music” I’ve wanted to go to Austria. Well, I wanted to be Julie Andrews, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to plan a trip to someplace like St. Anton, Austria. You know, the idea of the snow crunching under my feet on some moonlit winter evening with the clean mountain air filling my lungs is ultra appealing. Having my own little ski instructor plying me with mulled wine wouldn’t kill me, either.
I like to cross country ski and it would be sweet to snowboard or snowshoe and come back to a lovely rented chalet, wouldn’t it? You know, you’re on board with me. Little wine sack action while you make your way along the trails. Chatting up the snowbunnies (there are male snowbunnies, right?) would be awesome.

I have a friend who grew up in Switzerland, so luxury skiing holidays to him meant coming to the States to Aspen. What a maroon, right? I’m thinking about some cool places like perhaps in Courcheval or Meribel, France. I speak the lingo. It would be great to take my family to luxury ski chalets in Courchevel .Of course it would just be Pooper and me in the snow, but I am sure my mother would enjoy the luxury of a quality chalet. Great food and wine, skiing, snowboarding and taking in the sights all appeal to me…I just have to make my first million before too long.

Even though I joke about wanting a taser for some of the people walking around the big onion, I can’t say that I would actually want to use one…well, not to excess.
While cruising around some news outlets, I came across the story of a woman in Warren, OH who while in police custody and most certainly drunk and disorderly was ‘tased’ at least seven times.
Isn’t it bad enough we give cops sidearms? That’s scary enough, but the addition of a taser, a potentially lethal weapon makes it terrifying. Seven times? Are you kidding me?
As a former EMT and bouncer, I’ve had to deal with my share of drunk and uncooperative folks. I’ve even wanted to take my maglite and crack a couple of them upside the head in order to treat them, but I’ve had the presence of mind to take a deep breath and handle the situation.
There are ways to subdue people safely. Yep, there really are and you don’t have to be Jackie Chan to do it.
Tasers are useful to administer a nano second of shock as a wake up call. “Do I have your attention?” It’s aversion therapy, really.
Right? It’s not a toy. It’s not to be used indiscriminately, is it? Are the law doggies this ignorant? Aren’t they trained on this stuff? I’m sure they don’t hand rookies service revolvers and say, “Hey, you’ll figure it out. Good luck!”. So, why did this officer go overboard? Had he worked himself up into a lather because he couldn’t restrain a drunk woman?
Was he just overwhelmed? Or was he simply a man with a taser just itching to use it?
Hmmm. He’s on administrative leave until further investigation. Chances are, they’ll find no wrong doing. We see it all the time.
I’m not anti-law enforcement. I have relatives who are sheriffs and work for the gubmint. I AM anti-abuse of position or power. I think that the woman should be able to use the taser on him.
Seven times. Two times whilst he is handcuffed. Metal is a great conductor, ain’t it?
Seems fair to me.

ONE THING?! Guys, as a writer I find that reality shows on network television are the ruination of any writer’s career. Sure, they’ve got writers, but I really am not compelled to watch yet another season of ‘Survivor’. I get the concept and I couldn’t care less.

The ratings increase and one hour dramas, sitcoms really suffer as a result. We’re getting crappier and crappier shows. I grew up watching Bob Newhart (the one with Suzanne Pleshette, G-d bless her), Carol Burnett, WKRP, The Rockford Files and of course, Trapper John, MD (with the lovely and talented hottie trifecta of Pernell Roberts, Brian Stokes Mitchell AND Gregory Harrison)…now don’t get me wrong, there are a few shows that hold my interest…try as I might to get away from it, ER still keeps me coming back.

You think it’s starting the death rattle and they manage to spice it up. Law & Order SVU is still crankin’ out good stories with stellar acting (yes, I loves me some Chris Meloni-the guy is a total package acting wise) but I weep for the sitcom.
What happened to funny and smart? For me, Friends was the beginning of the end. Inexplicably, that show was hot right up until the end. I never got it. I didn’t get the ‘funny’. I suppose a lot of people didn’t get Seinfeld, but that was my show. Maybe because I could relate to the talk of ‘lowtalkers’, double dipping’, ‘this, that and the other’ and the concept of friends having their own language. My best friend and I have our own and it’s just as delightful as anything Larry David could have come up with. Very often I wondered if he hadn’t been eavesdropping on my phone conversations.

“The Vault” is universally known in my circle of friends. So, why are we seeing such crap on television? Why are we becoming emotionally involved with Bret Michaels, Flavor Flav and why in the name of all that is good are we giving ‘New York’, arguably one of the least appealing people to strut in front of a camera, a second chance?
Are we at long last so bored with our lives that instead of picking up a book, we tune in to watch her apply petroleum jelly to her weave and eat enormous amounts of junk food, all the while professing to be a princess?

Mind you, there are a some shows out there with some value. The Biggest Loser is helpful to those of us who want to shed some poundage and like seeing others suffer in the process.

No, I’m kidding. The Biggest Loser is a show that sucks you in because these folks have to look at it as their last chance at good health. I do enjoy watching it because I can feel for them. Food is a tough give up. When it’s been your constant companion and your unconditional friend, you’ve got to ask yourself some tough questions. I am inspired to work out along with them and limit my fat intake. Up to a point. Ice cream and I have a very, very special relationship.  We both know how good it is to be together, but we both know that we’re no good for one another. Eh. If lovin’ Ben and Jerry is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

There are other reality shows, I’m sure. My feeling is, if we can benefit somehow by watching…it’s all good. But in the interest of your intellectual and spiritual growth, there are times when you’ve got to reconnect with humanity.
Folks, turn off your televisions and get out in the world. Pick up a book. Start a book club. Write your own. Go see some live music and support local bands.

Do anything but discuss “The Pick up Artist”. Oh, I watched it. Yep, I sure did. That guy ‘Mystery’ is anything BUT a mystery. Dude’s just a skinny boring guy who wears eyeliner and black nail polish. He’s got great hair, though. I’ll give him that. The poor saps who went for his crap are in trouble. Still, I watched that crap. There was nothing else on. I never once thought: “Hey, maybe I don’t HAVE to watch t.v. right now”…I just watched. Like a sap.

Let’s take part in our own reality, shall we? Isn’t life tricky enough without having to watch people who will most likely receive a nice payday make asses of themselves?
It will only make you upset. You don’t want to become the reality show sniper, do ya?
Okay, so promise me you’ll take a break for a little while and read the paper. Get involved with a charity organization…take care of yourself…learn a foreign language. Hey, learn Sign Language. It’s easy and it’s fun. THEN when you see a couple of deaf people signing away on the street or in a restaurant you can eavesdrop. I do it all the time and while I feel guilt, it’s good to know that women rag at their men in all languages.

Take care. Time to boogie.