Why did I watch the marathon? Why? Am I finally that mindless that I have to rehash something that didn’t interest me until I met a couple of the contestants and wanted to know what the hubbub was?
Man, I’ve gotta tell ya, going out of doors is a good thing. I’ve seen every episode and still have no idea what makes a good photo. Nigel, the poor sod…while a goodlooking man, kills me. If personality were apples, well…we’d not have pies a-plenty. His wife is quite lovely and they should use her more often. Nigel just rubs me the wrong way. I think it’s the teeth. The teeth, mama. I’m no trip to Hawaii, but put ‘em away, man!
The chatter about the body positions, the open squint (can that be possible?), Miss J–a word about that one–I don’t care if you’re a gay man, you’re a man. I’m not gonna call ya ‘Miss’. Hate to break it to ya, J–until you’ve experienced your menses, I don’t wanna hear you call yourself ‘Miss’. Get over it. You don’t see a bunch of lesbians calling one another ‘Mister Sharon’. Stop it. It’s not cute.
Tyra’s not as annoying as Heidi Klum is on ‘Project Runway’, but if I hear ‘continue on’ one more freakin’ time, there is gonna be war. Just say continue. It’s okay. Love ya, but let’s move it along. My brain hurts.
Twiggy is probably the only one who just does her thing and gets over it.
Eh. I am sure that modeling is tough. Goodness knows I don’t have the stomach for it. Nor the physique. Dude, they’re nuts.
Now on to my suggestions to spice it up:
1. Have a ‘house mother’ who is there to check the girls. This is required. She will make them read literature. She will correct their grammar. She will require them to chew with their mouths closed. She will be a heavy drinker. She may wake them up on random evenings in a drunken rage dressed as Joan Crawford.
2. No calls to the boyfriends. It’s boring.
3. If there’s a cat fight, please don’t prolong it. Tell them all to shut up.
4. Help us understand why we should care about someone’s hands being stiff.
5. Prohibit Miss J from wearing that long tee shirt and heels. At the very least, make him wear hose.
6. Jay Manuel. Make him stop wearing lip gloss and bleaching his hair. I’d like to see him as a redhead. That’s just me.
7. Nigel. Seriously, get that stick outta your arse. Take a good hard look at those choppers of yours. Appreciate your wife a whole lot more. She’s gotta kiss that mouth.
(by the way, bring your Mom back–she rocks)
8. Tyra needs to stop saying ‘continue on’. Stop it. Bring your Mom along. She’s cool.
9. Make the models promise not to crab about their makeovers. Make them sign a waiver. The show’s been on how long? Get over it. Quit yer bitchin’.
10. Guest judges from the real world. Matter of fact, have one of the past contestants come in.
Okay, that’s it.
There will be a 12 step program for me. I made the time to blog about this. There is an intervention in my future.