Pfunksfoolosophy

Well, I’m not going to my grandmother’s house…BUT I am cooking like my grandma. I love to cook Thanksgiving dinner. My turkey is legendary and it’s really quite simple to make. Some folks like to brine and think it makes a huge difference, but it’s been proven that the difference in flavor and moistness is negligible. Here’s what you do: DON’T OVERCOOK IT. Simple, huh? Also, I cook it sloooowly and use a compound butter of sage and thyme. Rub it all over the bird, stuff it between the skin and flesh and you’ve got yourself a great tasting, moist little turkey. What else is going with that little critter?

Dressing. Plenty of dressing. I don’t like to stuff the bird…it gets icky. SO, I make a sausage and pepper dressing using cornbread and herb stuffing mix. It’s quick and easy and damn if it doesn’t fill ya up. Additionally, we’re having mashed taters. Garlic mashed ’cause I likes mah garlic. It’s good for your heart. Of course the butter and whole milk might not be so wonderful, but come on…it’s yummy stuff.

This leads us to my favorite part of any meal: GRAVY. Hopefully I will make enough. Sometimes there isn’t enough gravy and that makes me sad. I can make a meal of mashed taters and gravy. I HAVE made a meal of it, in fact. I’m also making candied sweet potatoes. None of that marshmallow topped business, that’s for the birds, man. Collards and sweet potatoes go great together so I’m making some collards.

The piece de resistance will be macaroni and cheese. Mama like. Cheesey…creamy…aw, man…I wish you could be here to enjoy it.

If you’re in NYC, look me up. I’ll be in the West Village serving it up.

No food stalkers, please.

Hope you all have a happy and food filled holiday. I know that I’m thankful for you.

Be well, gang!

Make Lemon Squares!

Who needs lemonade? If you’re feeling down, a baked confection is exactly what you need!
Well, I’m not gonna give you the recipe…not yet. Too many of you are trying to lose weight so I’m gonna give you a recipe for another sweet that won’t exactly kill ya.

 The watermelon shake

 1 cup cubed watermelon (you can use the seeds, it won’t kill ya)

1/2 cup ice

1/4 cup of simple syrup (if needed)

Place all ingredients in a blender and whirr it up until it’s a lovely smoothie.

Add the simple syrup a tablespoon at a time until it’s sweet enough for ya.

Garnish with fresh mint.

If you are feeling particularly frisky…add some vodka.

Ahem….good stuff.

Refreshing and good for you.

If any of you out there are parents of small children, you will understand very, very soon just how important it is to teach them to prepare their own food at some point during their development. Not only will it foster confidence, but it will give them a skill that will help them their entire lives. Believe me, there is nothing better than watching as your 5 year old prepares their first batch of brownies and then goes on to tell people that she’s ‘famous’ for her brownie recipe. Nothing can touch that.

Even if it’s just letting them pour their own cereal into a bowl or getting their own bowl of grapes, it’s a start and they will feel much more confident in the kitchen.
I remember my first attempt at baking with my maternal grandmother. She was making apple pie and gave me the scraps of dough and told me to roll it out. I did. And I kept rolling and kneading and rolling and kneading…even though she reminded me that I would toughen up the dough, I felt that it needed a good amount of elbow grease in order to ‘create’ my masterpiece. Well, she finally got me to quit rolling it and sprinkled some cinnamon sugar on it and we twisted it into a little shape. It baked and when I pulled  it out, that thing was as hard as a rock.

Gram was a trooper; she took a big bite and said, ‘Well, honey…you might coulda stopped when I asked ya to, but now you know when to leave dough alone, don’t you? It’s still got good flavor, though. Not bad for your first try.’

I was only about 4 or so. It was a lesson in understanding my materials. You’ve got to have some difficulty in the kitchen to unlock your true talent. I always tell people, “There are no mistakes in cooking, only discoveries.”

What will you discover with your kids or loved ones in the kitchen? Are you afraid of trying because you’re afraid of failure? Don’t look at it that way. If you have older kids and you’re afraid of cooking, why not take a cooking class together if you have the means?
If you’re a stellar cook,why not invite your kids’ friends over and teach them one signature dish that they can prepare for their folks?
It’s fun and will create wonderful memories for all of you. That’s what it’s about for me.

There’s joy in creating food for other people. There is something splendid about that feeling of accomplishment and that look of satisfaction on the faces of your kids after all of the work.

Just get someone else to clean up.

: )

I know that a lot of my readers are looking for healthy recipes and trying to shed some unwanted pounds.

Personally, I like being a fat chick. I feel powerful and sexy, but that’s just me. I want to get back in shape, mind you. Once an athlete, alwa…yeah, maybe not so these days. That’s another blog entry all together. THIS entry is all about healthy, quick recipes that make ya happy and go a long way.

This one is my favorite for the summer months because you can add just about anything you want to extend the life of the salad. I give you:

ORZO SALAD

1 box of orzo pasta (nearly any brand will do, but I use Barilla pasta)

3-4 medium cucumbers, peeled, seeded and diced OR

3 English cucumbers, diced (English cukes are ’seedless’ and not waxed)

2 large red onions, diced

1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved

1 8 oz package Feta cheese (you can use flavored Feta, like garlic and herb)

1 cup good quality olives, like Kalamata- I use a combo of Sicilian and Kalamata

juice of 3 lemons ( more or less depending on the size of the lemons)

2 T fresh mint, chopped

3/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (good quality…not pomace. Got it?)

2 medium cloves of garlic, minced (fresh, not that stuff in the jars. if you have that, throw it away NOW. I’ll wait)

Cook orzo according to package instructions. While it’s cooking, prepare the dressing. Combine the lemon juice, mint, garlic and olive oil and whisk until incorporated. It should be tangy and bright tasting, but if you feel it needs some more oil or juice, add it. Remember that the feta cheese has its own tang to it, so I wouldn’t add salt. The olives will impart a saltiness to balance out the cukes.

Drain the pasta and rinse with cold water to stop the cooking process. Keep rinsing until you can run your fingers through it comfortably.

In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients,crumbling the feta cheese into the mix with your hands.  If the olives need pitting, do that prior to salad assembly. Add freshly ground black pepper if that floats your boat. Refrigerate for an hour and serve with grilled fish or chicken.

That’s it. Easy, right?

Let me know how it turns out. Remember, this is just a base. You can add just about any fresh veggies that you like. I’ve also added hearts of palm to it.

Try blanching some green beans or asparagus and adding them to it as well.

***I’m not a huge fan of mint, so you might want to add a little more if you enjoy the flavor.***

Yep, I made a promise. Here it is. I can’t believe I didn’t post it already. Life grows exceeding strange, these days.

 CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES

• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 2 Tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 teaspoon light corn syrup
• 8 oz. chopped, semi-sweet chocolate (use good quality. I use Lindt)+ 6 oz. for dipping
• about 1/2 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder, sifted
•  1 teaspoon good quality vanilla extract

 Mix the cream, butter and corn syrup together in a saucepan. Place over medium heat and bring to a full boil. Turn off heat. 

Add 8 ounces of the chopped chocolate, and gently swirl the pan. Do not stir. Allow to rest for 5 minutes.
Seriously, do not stir the mixture.
 After 5 minutes, whisk slowly to combine. 

Transfer the mixture to a bowl and refrigerate for 45 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes. In the meantime, line baking sheets with parchment paper.

After 45 minutes, the mixture will start to thicken quickly, keep refrigerated another 11 to 15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes. 
Using a mini ice cream scoop or two spoons, form the mixture into 1-inch balls and and place on the prepared sheets.

Chill until firm, about 10-15 minutes. While the balls are chilling, melt the remaining 6 ounces of chocolate. After it is completely melted, allow to cool slightly before continuing. 
Place cocoa in small bowl. Remove the balls from the refrigerator. Using one hand, dip the balls into the melted chocolate. Roll it around in your hand, allow the excess to drip back into the bowl. Place the truffle in the cocoa. With your clean hand, cover the truffle with cocoa.

Lift it out and place on the baking sheet. Repeat with the remaining truffles. Place back in the refrigerator for 5-8 minutes to set.

May be stored up to one week in an airtight container.

I keep them in the freezer, wrapping each truffle in waxed paper and then storing in an airtight container.

There is no seafood I love better than well prepared shrimp. Since I love it so, I have created a lot of recipes. This is one of the easiest and it’s inspired by a Portuguese dish known as “Shrimp Mozambique”.

2 lbs of medium or large shrimp,peeled & deveined  (you can leave the tails intact if you wish. I don’t)

7 medium to large cloves of garlic, finely chopped

1/4 bunch of flat leaf parsley (about 2 T) chopped

4 -5 T of chopped cilantro (remember that flat leaf parsley and cilantro look a LOT alike)

juice of 2 lemons

1/4 cup extra dry vermouth

Kosher salt

Freshly ground pepper

 4 T butter (or more to taste)

Olive oil (use the good stuff)

Saute the garlic in olive oil and butter over medium heat until fragrant (about 2 minutes) then add the shrimp and cook for a minute before adding the cilantro and lemon juice.

As the shrimp starts to turn pink, add the vermouth and cook an additional minute or two to let the alcohol cook off and then add the parsley  and salt and pepper to taste.

You should get a good amount of ‘pan squeezin’s’  as we call ‘em, so have plenty of crusty bread handy to sop it up.

Garnish with scallion  tops if you’re feeling especially creative.

You can make it a main dish by serving it over pasta or rice.

You can also serve it with french fries, which is sometimes how the Portuguese serve Mozambique.

Enjoy!

This is a recipe I’ve tweaked with and I like it well enough. Seems like a lot of ingredients, but it works up pretty quickly.

For graham cracker cake
4 large egg yolks, at room temperature
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup honey
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup butter, melted and cooled
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar

Sweet Chocolate Ganache
1 cup heavy whipping cream
8 ounces semi-sweet chocolate
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Filling
marshmallow cream (in my area it’s Fluff, but you can use Kraft if that’s all you’ve got)

Butter a12×17 jellyroll pan . Line with parchment paper or waxed paper and butter the paper. Beat the egg yolks and sugar until thick. Add the honey, water, oil and butter and mix briefly.
Sift together the flour,graham crumbs, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Stir into the butter miture briefly. I just use a whisk in a bowl instead of using a sifter because of the graham texture.
Beat the egg whites with cream of tartar until soft peaks form. Beat in the sugar until mixture is firm and glossy. Stir a spoonful of the egg whites into the the batter, then stir them together lightly.
Spoon into the baking pan and spread evenly. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes until top is golden and center springs back when touched. Cool for 5 minutes.
While cake bakes, make chocolate cream. Put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Bring the cream to a near boil and pour over the chocolate. Add vanilla extract. Whisk until melted and combined. Refrigerate, whisking occasionally, until cooled. When ready to frost the cake, beat the mixture until it reaches a spreading consistency. (The mixture is too stiff after about 5 hours in the fridge.)
Spread a clean kitchen towel on a work surface and sprinkle with confectioners’ sugar. Invert the cake onto it. Slowly remove parchment.
With a sharp knife, cut a line or groove across the short end of the layer about 1/2 inch from the end nearest you. (The groove lets the cake start start rolling up easily, roll tightly and not crack.) Lift the kitchen towel to start the rolling, then roll up completely. Let it cool for at least 20 minutes and up to a few hours.
Unroll the cake. Spread thickly with marshmallow cream. Roll up and place on a serving platter. Pour ganache over it. Let it set for 30 minutes or so.
I let it set for an hour… you can also refrigerate it for about 45 minutes because when you slice it, it’s a bit gooey.
ENJOY, ladies!

Sundays in my family are traditionally big food days.  Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies…desserts…we love to eat. It’s very telling that one of our favorite movies is “Fatso” starring the lovely, talented and sorely missed Anne Bancroft and the very much alive Dom Deluise.

That movie revealed our family’s dirty secret. We are EATERS of the highest order. Something to celebrate? Let’s make a cake. Unhappy? Let’s get something to eat while we talk it out. Feeling tepid? How about some comfort food. Unsure of how you feel? Grab a bite. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we had alcoholics instead of foodies in the family.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s dysfunction on that front as well…but it’s not satisfying to talk about.

So, today since I was feeling like I needed to reward myself for my hard work (The hard work was getting out of my own way to write my great American novel), I decided to make myself a good savory treat. I made pernil.

Pernil is Puero Rican pork roast. It takes the lowly pork butt or shoulder  and elevates it to the sublime. Garlic, oregano, and other spices are forced into slits in the meat and as it roasts, melds with the flesh…sorry, I started drooling a little. The apartment was perfumed with the aroma of roasting meat, garlic and oregano. Even the cat was purring happily as the roast cooked.

Is it good for you? Well, since the meat is rather fatty, I would say that it’s a heart attack on a plate, but it’s soooo yummy. I made arroz con gandules and string beans to go with and I ate like it was going out of style.

I’m full and sleepy…but there’s room for ice cream. Since I now have a gym membership, I think I will break even health wise. That’s the best I can do, right?
Now for that ice cream

As a performer (generally out of work), I’ve had to find ways to make my food budget work for me.

I have champagne tastes and an ice water budget, so I’ve developed recipes that take humble ingredients and transform them into gourmet meals.

Today was a good example of that. I had boneless chicken breasts, onions and garlic. The fresh vegetable supply is running low, so I had to make  something that would be filling and nutritious.

I sauteed the onions  and garlic in olive oil until they were soft and added the chicken, salt and marjoram. Next I added some chicken stock I had in the freezer and let it cook  until the chicken was  cooked through.  After the stock had reduced down to just a shallow whisper  of liquid, I added some red wine vinegar and cooked it on high until the liquid had concentrated into a delicious reduction.

I served it over farfalle pasta  and added bread crumbs ( the poor  man’s cheese).

 A couple of grinds of pepper and I was a happy lady.

Full belly,  happy heart.

Doesn’t take much to make  me smile.

AND I still have ice cream in the freezer.

Life is good.