Pfunksfoolosophy

Broadway Comedy Club for all the dates:

27 April 10 pm

10 May 10 pm

17 May 7pm

The time and VIP line info is for the 17th only, but the rest is solid… 

Broadway Comedy Club 318 W. 53rd Street (Between 8th and 9th Ave)
NY, NY 10019
SHOW TIME 7:00 p.m.
Doors Open at 6:15 p.m.
Cover: $15. Only $12 if advance reservation is made on VIP line:
212-252-4255

 Hope you can make it.

The first two are guest spots so I don’t know the exact line up. Be there or be square, kids.

Hope you are all doing okay.

Life is a funny thing. Gonna have to catch you up on my pal’s visit here. It was superfantastic and I miss her already.

We’re coming up on our 37th anniversary—friendship-wise in August.

It would be great if she could come out for that.

Here’s hoping she’ll let me post some pics from her visit. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.

I can’t blame her for not wanting her mug posted on the internet for potential stalkers.

Still, I want to share our adventures in the big onion.

Talk to you soon!

Be groovy…

Okay, so my pal Efunk got me sucked into watching “The Bachelor: London Calling”.

Apart from them ripping off a song title by The Clash, a band  I’m sure Sonny Jim is familiar with due to the age of his siblings (although he strikes me as a guy who probably likes The Smiths–I sorta dislike that about him), the bachelor this season is a pretty funny guy. (and I’m sure the title was not his doing) He has the sense of humor that in a perfect world, would turn this dismal, sad little show into a true laughapalooza.

First, here’s what the geniuses at ABC SHOULD have done:
Call in Pfunk and Efunk as “relationship experts”.

It would be delightful. We would be perfectly coiffed and attired women with sensitive insight and glaringly white teeth. We would offer our ‘expert’ take on the proceedings from the vantage point of the bar located inside the mansion. The first two episodes would go off without a hitch. We would be on our best behavior.
There would be a confessional where we would show our true colors. Yep, we would rank on each and every woman who walked through the door.

“Get a load of the head on THAT one! Has she seen the business end of a hairbrush?”

“Did she say she was a HOTDOG VENDOR? What the heck is that all about? She could have said waitress and it would have been respectable.”

“Oh, who is she kidding? She’s 37 if she’s  a minute!”

We would also get them riproaring drunk. It would be a requirement. We would most certainly NOT hold their hair when they horked. We would mock them along with the bachelor…we would call him “Mack”. It would be fun.

Next on the agenda, we would get rid of the rose deal. We would definitely have to substitute something. I say a pair of Totes slipper socks which the lucky contestant would wear on their one on one with our plucky single man.

We would call them on their ‘feelings’ for Matt (or whomever).
It’s ten minutes and you’re falling for him? Please make it stop.

I think if you had to vie for a pair of slipper socks you might  just want the guy.

After the first couple of episodes, the audience would watch Efunk and Pfunk devolve into sweatpants wearing, delivery pizza eating, margarita swilling harridans.

Oh yes, we would definitely start in on the girls. We would pull our best “Mommie Dearest” waking the kids up to chop down some shrubbery act. Possibly a wire hanger or two for good measure.

We would make them wear Clairol hot rollers and call on Matt. We would make them cry. Often.
There would be a lovely moment where I would walk by in the background cleaning my ear with a Q-tip. I would inspect it and show the bachelor. He would giggle because he’s just as immature as me. I would call his parents and tell them that there is no one here for their son. They would arrive within the next day. I would party with the parents.

Efunk and I would instantly become the cool older sisters he never wanted.

We would coerce the less intelligent of the crew to flash him just as his parents enter.

We would be incorrigible.
Every time one of the  girls called another one a bitch, we would make the offender do a shot. We would also do a shot with her. Yes, we would be drunk. We would make a shambles of it. It  would be superfantastic.

Eventually, the slut side would show up. We would bring in our cabana boys.

It would be a melee.

Make it so, ABC.

I think Efunk can get the time away from work.

Goodness knows I can.

In addition to being a Wholigan of the highest order, I am also a jazziac. A lot of the great ones are gone and now we say goodbye to The Maharaja of the keyboard, Oscar Peterson.

There was no one like him and there will be no one to replace his artistry.  His playing was subtle and understated, evidenced on his recordings with Ella and Louis. The classical training of his youth shone through and earned him a place in jazz royalty.

I’ll miss him, but I’m stoked to have his recordings. Check him out on youtube.

I’ll write more later.

Peace

It’s groovy. My friend Mala is a kick in the pants. She’s a little bitty thing who’s a transplant from Ohio. She’s got a lot of snark and snap to her and that makes me happy. I’ve been trying to get her hooked up with a number of friends, but I always wuss out before I get them together. Can you believe I’m a closet matchmaker? Yep, I sure am.

We met at karaoke. It was all over but the cryin’ as she and her band of miscreants are funny. Me like funny. Our song selections generally have nothing to do with actually wanting to perform them well—we go for the comedy factor. Life is groovy when you’re with folks who really just want to have a good time.

SO, check out her blog called bad necklace. It’s right there in my blogroll.

Another cool thing is my gal is of desi extraction, as opposed to vanilla extraction which means by definition, if she is travelling for a longer period than 20 minutes food will be involved. I know this because my sister-in-law is desi. We don’t take car trips without packing a lunch of some kind. Mama like. Mala, the author/owner of Bad necklace, is also very, very smart. We dig that as well. So, check her out. I’ll bet you’ll bookmark her blog. It’s sweet and funny and honest.

Can’t go  wrong there, can ya?

Good times.

My Mom has a big crush on Johnny Depp. This is something that I don’t feel ashamed about telling people because my Mommy has good taste.She also enjoys his acting. She first fell in love with him rather late in the game with ‘Chocolat’, which is surprising as he wasn’t in it for very long, but since I have every film in which he’s appeared, she caught up fast.
The two of us each have a favorite role.

Mine is his turn as ‘Boston George’ in ‘Blow’. First of all, the man NAILED his accent. Nailed it, I tell ya. I’m a Masshole and it takes some doing to impress me when it comes to the particular nuances of a Boston area accent. Not all Massholes say ‘Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd’. We all don’t sound like the Kennedys either. Hell, most of the Kennedys don’t sound like ‘Kennedys’. I’m digressing. Let me tell you about my Mom’s favorite role. Capt. Jack Sparrow. She adores him in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ because he simply lets loose. He’s fearless as an actor. He also looks really, really good with eyeliner and gold teeth. For me, his best acting was ‘Blow’. His silent reactions in his scenes with his family–his mother’s overbearing, money grubbing social climbing that caused his father to implode, made me misty eyed.

The moment of betrayal–damn, my heart broke for him. How many times do you find yourself pulling for a cocaine dealer? Mom couldn’t see that. She saw his acting as stellar but she really enjoyed the freewheeling Peter O’Toole on crack of Capt. Jack. She loved his bleary, alcohol addled spirit; the swashbuckler as written by Hunter S. Thompson’s less stable brother. Hey, that’s another one–’Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’. Damn. Damn good acting. Have you noticed that his speech patterns have sort of adopted Hunter’s in real life? Just an observation.
Really, though how can you decide on which Johnny Depp movie to take with you on a desert island equipped with a DVD player? Jack Sparrow and Orlando Bloom’s character (see? can’t even remember the poor sod’s name) dueling in the barn–’I'm a pirate’. Classic stuff.
Or Boston George teaching his ‘art’ while in jail so he can get released early?
Jiminy Christmas! What makes it worse is that he’s effortlessly handsome–no, he’s actually beautiful. His girlfriend has got to have a great deal of self confidence. I mean, would you even bother to make yourself up when your man was prettier than you? I’m not knocking Vanessa Paradis, but sheesh, man.
But I digress again.
Here’s the thing: Johnny’s gonna be playing Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I saw the original play with Len Cariou and Angela Lansbury. I got queasy, I can’t lie. HOWEVER, ya gotta love the fact that Johnny’s putting his rep on the line. He’s gonna sing. Loads of men wouldn’t try that. Not my man Johnny D. I would imagine he’s put his soul into it. You don’t get half measures with the dude. (Even on Jump Street, bless him) I can’t wait to see his acting muscle flex further. So far, he’s not let me down. Heck, I might even PAY to see this bad boy. Be sure to visit Sweeney Todd on MySpace for more information. You KNOW I’m checkin’ it out.
If you don’t know the story, it’s about a barber in late 18th early 19th century London who murdered his clients for cash. Here’s the catch: he had an accomplice in a woman who used the flesh for her meat pies. *shudder* right? (hence my nausea.)

The line ‘Have a little priest?’ got me, man. The lyrics are sublimely clever. I can only imagine Johnny Depp as the Demon Barber.
Sure, he’s gonna creep me out, but that’s the point. Put Tom Cruise in there and you’ve got a surefire dud. Only Depp could do it. Only Depp will take the risks and ACT.
My Mom’s boyfriend will definitely make her a stone goner after this one. She doesn’t even like musicals anymore, but I’ll bet ya she’ll be there with her homemade popcorn in her huge purse.
Make sure you visit the official Sweeney Todd movie site.

Really? Oh, I’m talking big now, but you and I both know that it’s gonna be a hassle being downtown on Halloween.

BUT, it’s usually a crack up at Johnny’s.

Hmmm…what do you think? Should I go?

Flip a coin. What that I had a coin to flip.

Har har…I’ll give you the details tonight.
Peace, kids.

This week, I’ve been fortunate enough to go to screenings of films that will be released this week and I’m pleased to tell you that they are both worth watching. Funny, ain’t it?
The first is called “Martian Child” starring the lovely and talented John Cusack. It’s the story of a science fiction author, a widower–an admitted oddball, in that he doesn’t conform, but I couldn’t really see anything odd about him…other than his fashion choices, but that’s just me…after a good deal of emotional push me pull you, he takes on a troubled child with the hope that he will eventually adopt him. The young boy believes that he is a Martian. He spends his time outdoors inside a cardboard box. He believes that he has a sensitivity to the sun’s rays. Okay, that’s quirky, but it’s all right. The story is well paced and it’s got some very cute moments–many of them provided by the even more lovely and talented Joan Cusack (a woman deserving of her own lead in a film, thank you very much) and the interplay between John’s character and the youngster playing the Martian Child. It will tug at your heartstrings without making you feel like you’ve been completely manipulated. It was directed by the same guy who wrote the screenplay for “The Color Purple” so he’s got a strong understanding of emotional balance. Mama like.

The second offering is “Dan in Real Life” starring the inexplicably attractive Steve Carell. I don’t get it. The guy is sorta hot. Can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the unabashed vulnerability, maybe it’s the green eyes, I don’t know. This story has the widower angle, but this time he’s got three daughters. He’s a columnist and he’s a little over his head. Two of his daughters are teenagers. ‘Nuff said. The stereotypical, ‘Dad who doesn’t get it-love crazed teen-fighting for independence etc.’ isn’t as hard to swallow thanks to the efforts of all of the actors and much of the dialogue.  The youngest kid is a complete delight without being too ‘cute’. I can’t stand that ‘cutesey’ thing…at all.

Anyway, the cast includes Dianne Wiest. You cannot go wrong with this lady. She always hits a homer, even if she’s in just one scene, you are happy to see her. She’s great in this movie.  The story heats up after ‘Dan’ takes his kids to his parents’ place in coastal RI. The whole family has gathered and while the unfortunately annoying Dane Cook is featured, he’s not so hard to take.  Dan goes out to the local bookstore and ends up spending a couple of hours with the beguiling Juliette Binoche. They part company, Dan is clearly smitten, but will he see her again?
Oh, yes he will because his brother (the aforementioned Dane Cook) is dating her.

Heartwarming hilarity ensues. The soundtrack is a bit on the earnestly indie side, but the performances are worth plunking down your money. It’s sweet and quiet and I found myself tearing up a little bit.
SO, go see these movies…I think you’ll be glad that you did.

I know, I know…I’ve been remiss. Lots of stuff happening and some minor computer ‘challenges’…

Okay, we left off with Michael’s (oh, so now it’s MICHAEL) take on the direction of film today–in America at least. He’s seen a trend of less than optimistic features coming out of Hollywood and in some cases, independent film. He believes that it’s in direct relationship to the war in Iraq. It seems he’s not interested in the popcorn movies as much as films that have something of value to impart to the viewers out there.

I asked him if we’re to blame for the glut of crap movies out there and his response was that we are, since we’re paying money for all of those remakes, which creates a demand. Since Hollywood is getting lazier and lazier, we’re feeding the monster. I couldn’t agree more.
(wait, this isn’t about MY opinion!)

His favorite actors today are mainly British. That saddens me, but with the exception of a few Americans like Meryl Streep and Angela Bassett, we’re in trouble. Helen Mirren, Judi Dench and Ian McKellan are really kicking our butts. He adores Ms. Streep. So, Meryl…if I may call Meryl…I can’t? Okay…if you’re reading this…please throw him a bone and make him a nice ham sandwich.

Maybe it’s because most British actors receive the training. Maybe it’s because in Great Britain, they cast according to ability not just sex appeal. Hmm, something to think about the next time you consider plunking down your hard earned cash for a feature length version of ‘The Jeffersons’. Yeah, Halle Berry as Weezie might make you consider it, right?
Stop reading and take a nap.

Mr. M gave me some of his Oscar picks and they include Ms. Berry for her performance in ‘Things We Lost in the Fire’.  I was crestfallen. Halle Berry? Is she…? Can she…? Is she an actress? Whoa.

The state of theater was another topic that we covered and his view is slightly dim, but when you think about it, Broadway is seeing a lot of Disney. A LOT. I am reminded of a speech that Gary Merrill made in ‘All About Eve’ where he said basically that even if we think it’s crap, it’s theater for someone. I can’t disparage those animated musicals too much…but still. We didn’t  need to see “Tarzan” on the Great White Way.  He was looking forward to a couple of plays, including ‘Cyrano’ with the lovely and talented Kevin Kline. I went with Claude and a review may follow. There are no words. (well, there are, but later)

When I spoke with Mr. Musto, the thing that struck me most was that he is such a fan of it all: the glamor, the art; even the crap, that it made me happy to speak with him. I wish I hadn’t felt that I was taking him away from his work.

He said that most of all, after all of his years covering the entertainment world, he’s still a fan. He’s that little solitary Italian kid from Brooklyn. He’s still appreciating it all from afar while right smack dab in the middle of the mix.  Check out his work in The Village Voice. You can get it online. I’m sure you’ll bookmark it because he’s got a great way with words and now you know he’s a friend of the foolosophy. Great kid–I know he’s gonna make it home okay.
 

Hey there, folks.

I was going to finish up my compelling and exciting interview with columnist Michael Musto today, but something happened that pre-empted my thrilling finale. (man, I really sold it, huh?) You see, a cinema icon passed away yesterday. Miss Deborah Kerr, my favorite Scottish actress is now with the angels. Although I never met her, she was a part of my family. My family is a group of movie addicts and I remember my mom letting me stay up late when our favorite movies came on the late show. One such film was ‘An Affair to Remember’. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr were impeccable in their acting and I loved the costumes,  the dialogue and the score so very often when that flick came on channel 7 with Frank Avruch hosting, I would have to be either late to school or miss it entirely from my movie hangover.

She was elegant and had wonderful timing. I believed that she was ‘Mrs. Anna’ when I watched ‘The King and I’. I completely lost myself in ‘Tea and Sympathy’ and she helped shape my sensibilities about film acting. She was also a movie star. There’s not much of that these days. Seems it’s rather hard for actors to balance that now.

We either get the movie star: Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise and their ilk, or we have actors- William H. Macy, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Angela Bassett, Philip Seymour Hoffman…

There is a difference, ya know? Nothing’s wrong with being glamorous and in the public eye, but there is something to be said for the actor who takes their job seriously, and not to the exclusion of their humanity, mind you, but you know…the folks who get their hands dirty. The person who wants to entertain and enlighten and makes you forget what was said about them on ‘Entertainment Tonight’. (and they haven’t had a sex tape leaked to the press)

I’m digressing. Deborah Kerr had me enrapt as I watched her falling for Burt Lancaster in ‘From Here to Eternity’. Guys, she was sexy and smart and get this–NOT vulgar. We didn’t have to see her heaving naked breasts in order to know she was hot to trot for Burt. As an aside, I have to tell you…Lancaster back in the day was a hottie.

So, goodbye dear friend. They’re havin’ some kinda rehearsal up there in actors’ heaven. She’s probably up there with all of her old co-stars creating magic for the angels.

Here’s the thing: the television show was nothing like the movie or the book, but the teamwork of Alan Alda, Wayne Rogers and the original cast is astonishing. I LOVED that show. When BJ joined the crew, it was funny but it wasn’t as cool. Klinger stopped wearing dresses and the snappy patter became really, really preachy…BUT, I’ve gotta tell ya…some of my fondest childhood memories are of my family watching that show together. My dad served in Korea and never talked about it much. He got frostbite there while marching a POW back. The thing is this: Dad gave that poor guy his boots every other mile until they got back to camp. War ain’t funny. Dad was. He enjoyed watching that show because it took a lot of the sting out of his experiences. So, I love M*A*S*H because I’ve got fond memories of my dad. They’re few and far between.

Plus, who can forget the exchanges between Henry Blake and Klinger during that first season?

Henry: Here’s an oldie but a goodie…half of the family pregnant and half of the family dying. Klinger, what am I gonna do with you?

Klinger: You’re right, sir. I don’t deserve to be in the Army.

Ah, good times.