Pfunksfoolosophy

As you can see, I’ve been a busy kid. Haven’t had much time to blog. I am preparing for the arrival of my kid and grandson for my birthday, which is in a couple of weeks.

I’m over the moon since I’ve not seen them since this past summer. Apparently, Pooper is nearly 41 inches tall. He’ll be three on the 22nd of this month. Five days after his due date, which is my birthday, for the record…ahem. Muhammad Ali, Betty White, Andy Kaufman and me…how splendid….okay, so the challenge of embracing each moment is going well.

I’m really quite happy most days. There is the residual paranoia that accompanies the feeling of contentment because after all is said and done, I’m still the adult child of an alcoholic, so I can’t completely trust the groovy stuff. (that’s a joke, kids.)

While I have experienced a good deal of drama in recent months, I can safely say that I know it was for a reason and if I didn’t have good friends and a strong faith, I would probably be in a padded room at Dr. Dippy’s Retreat or at the very least, a cell at a women’s prison somewhere.

Have I done a gratitude list lately? Have YOU?
Let’s all take a moment or two to create our gratitude lists, shall we?

Here goes:

 I’m grateful for my life. It may be confusing and busy and occasionally crazy, but it’s life and life is sometimes messy; it beats the alternative.

I’m grateful for a roof over my head, no matter how many times my roomie burns whatever it is he’s cooking. At least I’m not living at the chicken coop.

I’m grateful for my family–even if they drive me nuts, it’s never really a long drive and it’s nothing that I didn’t ask for when you think about it. I love them and I am loved by them. I don’t need much else.

I’m grateful for my friends and their unconditional love. See the above reasons as they apply here as well.

I’m grateful for employment that doesn’t make me want to shoot my face off every day. Sure, it’s corporate and I’m not a corporate monkey, but it keeps me fed and housed. Ya gets what ya need when ya works.

I’m grateful that I’ve got enough talent to keep me afloat.

I’m grateful for my spirit and my sense of humor.

I’m grateful that I can see past my own needs.

I’m grateful that I am a work in progress and know that there is no such thing as perfection.

I’m grateful for the path that leads me to joy every day.

I’m grateful for the times when I don’t feel particularly grateful and I’m reminded in some  way that I’m all  I’ve got.

I’m grateful for this blog to blow off steam in a constructive way; I’ll not make any money from it, but it’s an outlet for healthy communication.

I’m grateful I’m not the person  I was yesterday.

I’m grateful that I’ve got a steady grip on who I am becoming.
Your turn. Be grateful. Be joyful. Be content right  where you are because you’re supposed to be there for a reason.

Circumstances will change the moment YOU change…I’ve  learned that much.

Right now is good, ain’t it?

Okay, so I’m not really old, but honestly I’ve gotta tell ya: my bursitis is killing a person.

I’ve got two bum knees due to starting sports at an early age. One knee is swollen and creaky and giving me fits. I knew it was gonna snow before it did actually come down. I also took a tumble when my knee gave out. I felt like a sap. Yikes,man. So, it looks like I’ve gotta push  my fish oils and lose some weight in order to get back to my peppiness.

I have always loved the winter. These days I’m feeling like I should be wearing sweater sets and tasteful hats. Possibly some galoshes from the same folks that make the slipper socks…oy.

Hey, happy holidays by the way. I didn’t post for my eight crazy nights because I was too tired. Not one game of dreidel was played. I did make myself some latkes. That was about it.

I also sang my ‘Eight nights of Chanukkah’ song but only to myself. No one really wants to hear it.

For those of you in the know, I’m gonna try to post ‘An Axe an apple and a buckskin jacket’.

Oh, that’s a toe tapper. It’s annoying as hell, but Bing Crosby makes me smile–even if he was an abusive pipe smokin’ mofo. Gotta love that voice during the holidays.

Hope you’ve got your shopping done and reached out to those  less fortunate. Actually, I’m hopin’ that you’re reaching  out to the less fortunate every day.  We’ve gotta take care of one another, don’t  we? Ahhh, you know that already.

Keep on truckin’, babies!

There’s enough love for everyone—even the folks who make you nuts.

it’s time, man. What is happening in my life is that I’m slowly getting used to the idea of not trying so hard to fix everything. Yeah, it sounds simple and in truth, it is…somehow my intellectual side seems to get strongarmed by my emotional side. Heady stuff for someone who was once known as “Spock” in my family. Yep, logic, man. Logic…it’s the way to go most of the time. So, I’ve been looking at some things that need to change in my life. Patterns that have become so bloody familiar that I’ve just let them reign for far too long.
I’m sure you guys can relate. I keep saying that my one goal is to be the happiest person on the planet. It’s still my goal. I still choose to find happiness in the mundane because it’s less complicated.
Today, though…whoo, I had some challenges. Fueled by caffeine. Yep, I had the caffeine paranoia. It colored my judgement. It made me nuts. Had to call my best friend to talk me down. That event caused me to assess my behaviors.

I’ve GOT to participate in my life on a real level. It’s not going to serve me to continue to walk on this path with the dead bodies of my poor decisions strapped to me. SO kids…I’m moving toward some new patterns. I’m keeping myself healthier. I’m eschewing (bless you) the negative speak from the committee. They tend to tell me that I’m not realizing my full potential. (Actually, that part is sorta true) Instead, my choices are to look at my challenges with a glad heart instead of with remorse. Let’s see how it works.

Remember the Pollyanna Challenge? Let’s get it together. Let’s support one another. Let’s make those changes in order to move forward. Success, happiness…pure joy–they’re ours for the taking.

It’s time to change. For the better.

Keep on rockin’. You’re loved.

Well, I’m not sure if you guys are up to speed, but I’ve started a new job. Yeah, corporate America and yours truly are dating again. It won’t last, man. Well, it’s GOTTA but it chafes a mite. Anyway, I had a stellar day today with one of my co-workers who actually ‘gets’ that I am a complete doofus incapable of remaining serious for even short periods of time.
Remember, I’m 1/4 Irish and 1/4 Native American. We express ourselves in two ways, really: Rage and humor. That’s about it. Naaah…mostly it’s rage. NO! Uh, so anyway, I got this song stuck in my head. I told my co-worker. The song: “Little Green Apples” by O.C. Smith. If you’re not hip to that, download it. It’s a wistful sorta toe tapper. Okay, so I asked my co-worker ‘why, mama? why???’ just like Nancy Kerrigan. Her response?
“Cause G-d didn’t make little green apples and it don’t rain in  Indianapolis in the summertime” It was brilliant as it came via Instant Messenger. Priceless.

I started laughing, she started laughing and we met in the aisle. Her response?
“You’re right; we CAN’T be trusted to play together”

So true. So groovy when someone gets your tomfoolery. Sheer grooviness, kids.

In other news: I’m working on being happy, joyous and free every day. How are you folks faring in that regard? I’m not neglecting you…I’ve just not had a lot to blog about these days. Been trying to keep my head to the sky and my heart full of wonder.

So far, so good. It really pays to keep your mind  on your bidness and on your spirit’s growth.

Be good, man. Ya never know who’s watching.

In an unrelated story: Helio wins over Mel B.? Yeah. Whatever. I still love that guy, but still.

Life ain’t fair…and  neither  is my arse.

Whoopee!

Keep on truckin’!

Well, I’m not going to my grandmother’s house…BUT I am cooking like my grandma. I love to cook Thanksgiving dinner. My turkey is legendary and it’s really quite simple to make. Some folks like to brine and think it makes a huge difference, but it’s been proven that the difference in flavor and moistness is negligible. Here’s what you do: DON’T OVERCOOK IT. Simple, huh? Also, I cook it sloooowly and use a compound butter of sage and thyme. Rub it all over the bird, stuff it between the skin and flesh and you’ve got yourself a great tasting, moist little turkey. What else is going with that little critter?

Dressing. Plenty of dressing. I don’t like to stuff the bird…it gets icky. SO, I make a sausage and pepper dressing using cornbread and herb stuffing mix. It’s quick and easy and damn if it doesn’t fill ya up. Additionally, we’re having mashed taters. Garlic mashed ’cause I likes mah garlic. It’s good for your heart. Of course the butter and whole milk might not be so wonderful, but come on…it’s yummy stuff.

This leads us to my favorite part of any meal: GRAVY. Hopefully I will make enough. Sometimes there isn’t enough gravy and that makes me sad. I can make a meal of mashed taters and gravy. I HAVE made a meal of it, in fact. I’m also making candied sweet potatoes. None of that marshmallow topped business, that’s for the birds, man. Collards and sweet potatoes go great together so I’m making some collards.

The piece de resistance will be macaroni and cheese. Mama like. Cheesey…creamy…aw, man…I wish you could be here to enjoy it.

If you’re in NYC, look me up. I’ll be in the West Village serving it up.

No food stalkers, please.

Hope you all have a happy and food filled holiday. I know that I’m thankful for you.

Be well, gang!

Today is Veteran’s Day, but it will be celebrated tomorrow.

My dad served in Korea and was a drill sergeant in Junction City, KS–Fort Riley, the home of the famous ‘Big Red One’. He never talked about the war, but my mom tells me that he suffered from ’shell shock’, which we call ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ today. Maybe that’s why he drank. I’ll never know, but I do know that my family has a long history with the military, dating back to at least the Civil War. My nephew expressed interest in joining the military and I told him that it would break my heart if he enlisted. Especially now.

While I respect and love our military men and women and wish to honor them, I feel that my family has done the best it could in the way of defending this nation. I’m going to adopt the same attitude as many of our nation’s  leaders: let someone else’s kid do it.

I hope to help out my homeless vets tomorrow. I’m going to make some sandwiches and take them down to them. It’s the least I can do since our country abandoned them. You should hear some of the stories of these guys. All of them are Vietnam Vets. They got hooked on drugs during the war–some of it administered by the powers that be and some of it because they wanted to dull the pain of combat. When they were discharged, they had little in the way of support and slowly fell through the cracks.

Pray for them. Think about them and the men and women who are coming back broken and weary. We owe them our devotion–even if we don’t agree with the war,which I know I don’t.

Happy Veteran’s Day.

Every now and then I get this feeling that makes me want to just walk out of my building and never look back. Keep on going until I get where my feet take me, ya know? Most of the time, my logical self speaks up loud and clear and reminds me that I have needs to attend to; family members depend on me and I can’t be selfish. Invariably, I take nice long trips to the South of France or to Tuscany in my mind. I go to the library and check out some books. Freedom comes in many forms, but it begins in your mind.

If you can’t possibly take that much needed vacation, why not immerse yourself in a nicely written book of fiction? Heck, you could get a well written biography and take off with Theodore Roosevelt, Rosa Parks or…even Liza Minnelli.

Take the time to quiet your mind and set aside your challenges. Pick up a book. If reading isn’t your thing, get a good movie or some new music. The library is free and they’ve got all sorts of media to keep you satisfied. Freedom is there…it’s there, guys.

Swim out to your ship if it’s not coming in fast enough. Swim out to it.

10. People who stumble just enough but catch themselves and then look around to see if anyone caught it. Oh, I caught it all right.

9. The Three Stooges where they’re swingin’ the alphabet or in the Old West and sing ‘You’ll Never Know What Tears Are’–you know the one…Moe uses an accordian folder as a real accordian. That’s priceless.

8. I Love Lucy.

7. That feeling you get just before you’re gonna let one rip and then think it might be better advised to save it. The look on your face is probably priceless.

6. The town of Sheboygan Wisconsin. Say it with a lateral lisp and you’ll be laughin’ too.

5. A lateral lisp on a really hot guy.

4. Any time someone like Britney Spears or Madonna uses the term ‘artistic integrity’. That’s funny as hell. Makes me giggle.

3. Donald Trump’s hair.

2. The fact that no matter what you say, seeing someone slip on ice will make you guffaw–just slightly before inquiring about their health.

1. Blowing bubbles until my fingers are wet and then giving someone a wet willy.

Hey, you’ve got to make some noise out there, kids.

Life is short…play nice.

When I was in college, back in the swinging forties (that’s a joke), I had a lovely credit card offer that had me in debt for oh, I dunno…10 years! Whoa, nellie…it was tough. So, my credit was banjaxed for a good long time. Well, one of the things that’s getting me through is that I started rebuilding my credit. It’s not an easy task. You’ve gotta shop around for the right way to get moving to change your bad credit rating.

Find the right offers and get a credit card.
If you make timely payments, it will be reported to the major credit agencies and in no time, you’ll be on your way to superfantastic credit.
Mine is getting there. Aren’t you glad I shared that info with you?
What’s that? I shouldn’t have been a deadbeat to begin with? Shaddup. Sometimes we fall on hard times and the credit card is the last thing we’re thinkin’ about. It ain’t an excuse, it’s a reason. Again…shaddup. 
Go check ‘em out.

Even though I joke about wanting a taser for some of the people walking around the big onion, I can’t say that I would actually want to use one…well, not to excess.
While cruising around some news outlets, I came across the story of a woman in Warren, OH who while in police custody and most certainly drunk and disorderly was ‘tased’ at least seven times.
Isn’t it bad enough we give cops sidearms? That’s scary enough, but the addition of a taser, a potentially lethal weapon makes it terrifying. Seven times? Are you kidding me?
As a former EMT and bouncer, I’ve had to deal with my share of drunk and uncooperative folks. I’ve even wanted to take my maglite and crack a couple of them upside the head in order to treat them, but I’ve had the presence of mind to take a deep breath and handle the situation.
There are ways to subdue people safely. Yep, there really are and you don’t have to be Jackie Chan to do it.
Tasers are useful to administer a nano second of shock as a wake up call. “Do I have your attention?” It’s aversion therapy, really.
Right? It’s not a toy. It’s not to be used indiscriminately, is it? Are the law doggies this ignorant? Aren’t they trained on this stuff? I’m sure they don’t hand rookies service revolvers and say, “Hey, you’ll figure it out. Good luck!”. So, why did this officer go overboard? Had he worked himself up into a lather because he couldn’t restrain a drunk woman?
Was he just overwhelmed? Or was he simply a man with a taser just itching to use it?
Hmmm. He’s on administrative leave until further investigation. Chances are, they’ll find no wrong doing. We see it all the time.
I’m not anti-law enforcement. I have relatives who are sheriffs and work for the gubmint. I AM anti-abuse of position or power. I think that the woman should be able to use the taser on him.
Seven times. Two times whilst he is handcuffed. Metal is a great conductor, ain’t it?
Seems fair to me.