Pfunksfoolosophy

Will I go out this fine evening? Even though I am broke as can be, it might be a good idea to go downtown and watch the Halloween Parade in the Village. It’s fun to see the little ones all dressed up and the BIG ones all decked out. Lady Bunny is sure to be out and I always get a kick out of that glamorpuss. She’s got GREAT wigs. Total hair hopper, man.

So, maybe I’ll have something groovy to report. Maybe I’ll hook up with my pals at my former local. Maybe Ethan Hawke will take a shower for the occasion. Oh, that kid. I love him, but he’s a mess. I want to take him aside and just give him a good scrubbing. Seriously. Maybe he’s gonna go as Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. Hmmm. That could work.

I’m just gonna throw on a pair of jeans and a blouse and call it a day. It’s a bittersweet day for me anyway.  Hope you all have a blast.

Talk to you soon.

You know, most Americans are swimming in a pool of debt. While I am one broke ho, I actually don’t have much debt to speak of…which is convenient since I don’t have much money. Okay, ANY money. The credit card companies make it seem so easy to have everything that you want for seemingly nothing. Most folks don’t read the fine print. They want what they think is a free ride to material goods town. Stop and think. Nothing is free, peeps. In order to get a handle on your finances, you’ve got to understand how credit works. Ideally, you will need to carry a balance on your credit cards in order for the companies to make money off of you. They’re basically extending to you a loan. They’re gonna charge you interest. If you pay your balance off every month, you’re sorta screwing them. They don’t like that. They like for you to have just enough to remain in debt.

Do what you can to educate yourself  and get the right information.
I know someone who is over 35K in debt. Just from credit cards. That is nuts! Sure, she’s got all of the best clothes, shoes, jewelry and the like, but damn, man…how important is it to have Christian Laboutin shoes when you can’t afford to buy groceries? Crazy. She’s working just to keep the credit folks off her back. Debt consolidation may be her way out, I don’t know, but it’s worth doing the research.

 Get the information to arm yourself appropriately, guys.
We all could use debt help so get yourself together. Educate yourself. Don’t be fooled by the come-ons that you get in the mail. If you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it.
I learned a great lesson from my Dad. He never used his credit cards. He paid for everything with cash. We bought our cars, took vacations all on cash. If he didn’t have it in his pocket, he didn’t get it.
The credit cards were used primarily for business transactions. He paid them off quickly. Here’s the funny thing, though. The same man who did this, didn’t help me with my credit cards. He told me he would. I had to learn the hard way.
Don’t fall prey to the enticing offers. Get what you can handle, ya dig?

Just when I thought my life was getting too much to handle, I turned on the television to find that SOME traditions are in place–from my childhood, anyway.

“It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” is on. I am very, very happy.

Linus and Snoopy are my two favorite characters. Even now, I own all of the Peanuts movies. A particular fave is  “Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown” because there is a great sequence with Snoopy in a bar that is priceless.

Ah, the joys of the great pumpkin….

Enjoy, kids.

Yesterday was a beautifully cool, crisp autumn day and I spent it grocery shopping. That is usually a drag for most people, but it is absolute heaven for someone who adores cooking as much as I do, lemme tell ya.

First, I went to my local market to pick up a pork shoulder for my pernil. (guess who forgot to buy garlic, the key ingredient? yep. say it with me: MORON) There was a sale on tuna. This brought me tremendous pleasure. You KNOW I got my fill. You know, I have friends who have a hard time shopping for groceries. They actually hate going to the grocery store. It’s the one time I love to go shopping. Clothes or shoe shopping I can live without, but give me a nice green grocer or a good butcher shop and I’m in heaven. Maybe I need a keeper. Maybe I need to get a life…I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m happy to have full cupboards.

It’s the one thing I have control over these days.

My grandparents lived in Florida and we used to go down there to visit every year. Usually in the summer when I was out of school, but occasionally, we got down there during the best time to be down south…the Fall.

St. Augustine, the nation’s oldest city, was our first destination when we arrived in Florida. There is something to be said for the Spanish moss and the history. There’s  also something to be said for an event that occurs the last Saturday in October (which we just missed) and November. It’s  called Uptown Saturday Night. No, it’s not the movie starring Sidney Poitier and Bill Cosby, although that would be cool. It’s an event that has the antique district alive with live music, art exhibits and workshops. If you’re an antique lover or even if you’re just starting out, there’s  something for everyone. Personally, I love old books. I used to have an old Fanny Farmer cookbook that was given to me by some older woman in my grandpa’s church. I wish I still had it because I just found out how much that bad boy is worth. Crazy, right?
Getting back to St. Augustine…when I was a kid, the big attraction was the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Musuem. I don’t know why, but seeing Bible verses etched into a grain of rice was paramount to me…go figure. It will be open and you can check out some cool stuff there while you’re browsing the shops and taking in the local color.

One of the best things about this is that the Mission of Nombre Dios will provide free parking. You can’t go wrong. Events that last from 5-9 pm and free parking? Free live music? You can mingle with local artists and antique experts. Sort of like a cooler version of Antiques Roadshow. If I could get down there, I surely would. I love free events and I love art, antiques and BOOKS,man.

If you’re in Florida on or around November 24th, check out some St. Augustine shopping. I think you’ll have a blast–even if Geechy Dan and Little Seymour aren’t around.

Life grows exceeding strange, to quote Shakespeare…it’s been really dicey for me lately so instead of dwelling on it, which I’ve been doing for about 3 weeks, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve got to remain in a state of gratitude in order to keep on truckin’.

No matter what gets you down, you owe it to yourself to own what is yours and move forward in gratitude. It may not feel like you’ve got any reason to feel grateful, believe me, I know…I’m sittin’ right next to ya. BUT, it will only drag you down more.

Take some time for yourself and sit with your challenges. Think about how you can get yourself out from under that grey cloud. All is not lost. You’ll always have a chance to give up, why do it now? The Doobies have that one right, man. Don’t give up. It sure looks bleak for me these days, but I know that I’m one blessed individual. I’ve got a lot of anger and that is coming from fear. Fear is only FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. So, what am I gonna do about it? I’m gonna laugh. I’m gonna sing. I’m gonna make it right in my mind and manifest my victory.

You can do it too. You can. It doesn’t matter if you’re broke (check), unemployed (check) or just plain depressed (check)…there are things you can be grateful for and here are some that I can think of:

1. You’re not a serial killer. Sure, you may think that it’s a given, but there are times when you have to think…there is a certain logic to homicide. (you know I’m joking)

2. You’re a rock star and you know it, man. Music will lift your spirits, so be thankful for music.

3. Laughter is the best medicine. Watch a video/DVD that makes you happy. I’m going with Auntie Mame. She’s my inspiriation. Be thankful you can still laugh in spite of it all. Possibly BECAUSE of it all. I’m usually at my funniest when I’m pissed off or down in the dumps. Go figure.

4. You have life. You’re still breathing. You’re vital. Revel in it.

5. You’ve got an internet connection. Lots of people don’t.

6. You’re reading this and thinking, “So who died and made Pfunk Pollyanna all of a sudden?” That’s pretty funny.

7. SOMEONE loves ya.  Maybe a whole lot of someones. That’s groovy.

8. Your spirit will take you far. Keep it up. Let it shine.

9. No matter  what, I think you’re groovy. And since I think I’M pretty groovy, that makes it even groov…well, you get the point.

10. You are the only ‘you’ on the planet. You’re unique, which is an absolute. No one can take that away from you. You’re okay, kid.

Here’s hoping we all make it home okay.

In my case, here’s hoping I have a home.

ha ha h…ah, shaddup.

Always look on the bright side of life. (insert whistles here)

On the other hand, I could be all wet.
But I doubt it.
Keep on truckin’, my friends. Keep on truckin’.

So, the same day that I found out about Deborah Kerr passing away, I found out that Joey Bishop had gone to the big stage in the sky. What the heck is happening?
Ya can’t live forever, I know…but Joey was a part of something so cool, so groovy, so ring-a ding-ding that I am really saddened. The Rat Pack-Frank, Dean, Sammy, Peter and Joey were like my really cool, really hip uncles, ya know? They worked hard at entertaining us (let’s face it, some more than others), partied until the wee hours and kept on going.

Sammy Davis, Junior was a premier showman who could do impressions, play the drums, do fancy six  shooter tricks, dance…jiminy christmas he was a powerhouse! But Joey…Joey was the not so subtle comedian.

“Hey Frank, get over here and tell us about the GOOD things the Mob’s been doing”

(that ain’t a direct quote, but it’s close) Joey pushed the envelope for a laugh. He was ironic and funny and I loved watching him. Stand up comedy has changed since the days of the borscht belt schtick that made Joey famous, but there is a place for it still. Some of that stuff is still funny. Shelley Berman, Corbett Monica…they all lay the foundation, whether you believe it or not, for Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Joan Rivers, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld. So, they all owe something to Joey Bishop.

He was a mensch. He’ll be missed. It’s official. The big room is cookin’, ’cause they’re all up there now. Two shows a night and there’s plenty of ring-a-ding-ding. If there’s a rock and roll heaven, there’s GOT to be a Vegas heaven, right?

Hey gang!

You’ll never guess what I did recently…no, I didn’t get a pedicure…yikes.

Nope, didn’t win the lottery. (oh, if only)

I had a lovely chat with one of my absolute favorite columnists, Michael Musto.

He’s a columnist for The Village Voice, which is one of the premier underground/independent newspapers in the country. It’s been a particular favorite of mine since high school because I really thought that I would one day live in New York’s Greenwich Village as a starving, but fabulous artist.
Little did I know that I would be a starving artist…not so fabulous and definitely not living in the now very, very tony Greenwich Village. (doggone hipsters and celebrities!)

Back to the real story here– Michael Musto. His column covers the entertainment beat and it’s usually filled with wit and insight with a good dose of some honest to goodness intelligent cattiness. He’s been writing for The Voice for over 20 years and I’ve always enjoyed what he’s written, even if I may disagree with some of his opinions; at least he makes you think while you’re chuckling.

Since I couldn’t transcribe the entire interview due to my lack of even rudimentary typing skills, I will give you the Reader’s Digest version of my conversation with the man who puts the ‘dolce’ in la dolce musto.

Here’s how it all began: I sent him an email requesting an interview, but part of me thought that a busy and in demand/in the know type like Michael Musto would probably brush me off with a ‘thanks but no thanks, sister’.

 I wish you guys could have been in my apartment when I saw the email from him. My mouth hung open (and not just because I am an allergy induced mouth breather) and my eyes widened. Could it BE, dear diary? Yep. And the man is nothing if not pro-active. He sent me his office number and asked if it would be okay to do it over the phone. What a guy!
Of COURSE…then I thought about how unprepared I was. My plan was to send him questions and then have him answer them and return it via email. Nope, he was agreeable to actually speak with me. Whoa, Nellie…getting what I want is something I’m unaccustomed to, but I forged ahead.

I must confess, I may have giggled as I punched the numbers into my mobile phone.

(that finicky contraption that seems to drop calls at the most inconvenient times)

  It rang, I requested his extension and off we went…Michael’s voice is soft and gentle, which was sort of surprising to me since I suppose I pictured a voice like my uncle Chooch’s…you know, sort of whiskey and cigarette smoke tinged. He put me at ease immediately by actually agreeing to be interviewed and was gracious and kind. It’s nice to know that there are still folks out there who have kindness in them, no matter their notoriety.I told him that  I was unprepared and he told me that he would speak slowly. (just like in Auntie Mame)Anyway…first things first:How’d he get his start?

Mr. Musto started out the only Italian kid in a Brooklyn neighborhood. His playmates were onscreen—Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor to name a couple of great actors from back in the day.

It seems young Michael was a film critic even then. He would return from the movie theater and review what he’d seen, writing the reviews on index cards. That’s sweet, isn’t it?
Very organized and journalist-like at such a young age… I felt instant kinship as I used to pretend to guest host the Mike Douglas Show. Our guests usually included Rex Reed and Liza Minnelli.

As Michael grew older, he began writing plays. He expressed to me that he has always known that he wanted to be a writer. His favorite authors range from Stendahl, Dickens and Shakespeare to Wolfe and Rex Reed (you know, you’ve gotta love that guy). This is guy is legit. He knows his stuff. It made me happy to know that he really loved films.

Back to the action: Mr. Musto wrote for the Spectator, started sending his clips around to indie papers; freelancing until he found his home at the Village Voice.

He’s led a sort of charmed life when you think about it, but he’s got the writing talent to cause you to stop yourself before you begin to hate him for his good fortune.

Awards shows are a particular favorite for him-he calls them ‘The Gay Olympics’.

That laughed me. I’m not a fan of awards shows, BUT he made me see the light.

It’s all about the entitled getting jerked around emotionally. I can get down with that for at least a little while.

I asked him about the state of cinema today and he had solid opinions, which I will divulge in my next post.
This one was long enough.

There have been some trying days for me recently, but I’ve gotta tell ya I am one thankful heifer. I’ve got groceries, people who love me and I had a great walk today.

Additionally, I’ve got a surprise for you, dear readers. I had the great good fortune of being able to interview Michael Musto, my favorite columnist for the Village Voice, a local independent/underground newspaper. I’ll post that later. I’ll give you time to look him up and read some of his work. He’s groovy. It was a joy to speak with him. I want to be friends with him and drink martinis. Seriously, he’s a peach. And very smart. Hmmm…I’ll have to fix him up with a pal.

But, on to why life is good for yours truly, despite the semi filled with crap that seems to be zooming at me at about 120 mph: I’m not dead yet, people seem to like me and I’ve got more love in my life than a body’s got a right to have, really. My cupboards are full, I have plenty of time to make money…lord knows I need it…and I have good friends. What more do I need? (don’t answer that.) PLUS, guys…I’ve got YOU. Awww, that’s sweet.

Oh, another thing: I am NOT Criss Angel. That guy really bothers me.

Couldn’t leave it alone, could I? Nope.
Keep on rockin’! Keep bein’ positive…if life is givin’ you lemons right now…find some Everclear and make yourself a lemondrop. Screw the lemonade!

Since I’ve been blogging, I have noticed that loads of folks have a keen interest in celebrities and their comings and goings…I do not, however–unless I can benefit in some way, so if there’s a pool or something, let me know.

Here is a list of things I would like to NOT discuss.

10. Paris Hilton

9. Lindsay Lohan

8. Nicole–well, Nicoles–Richie or Kidman, makes no nevermind to me…

7. Any celebrity caught drinking and driving. I think we can all say, ‘get a driver’ and be done with it.

6. Whether or not Jennifer Lopez is pregnant.

5. Sarah Silverman. At. All.

4. Any celebrity awards show and the fashion commentary that accompany them.

3. Whether the latest ‘gay’ rumor about any good looking actor is true or not.

2. Same for female actors.

1. Tom ‘Yep, I own the world inexplicably’ Cruise. Crazy or not, I don’t care. Please shut it.

Okay, so that’s about it.

I’m sure there are other things, but at this point there are plenty of important things we could be discussing in this column…like new ice cream flavors and of course the situation in Darfur. Mind you, they aren’t of equal importance, they just sorta popped in my head at the same time.