Hey gang! I’ve really been slacking off and there are no good reasons. Sure, I’m a busy gal. Sure, I’m making my way with this book thing. Bottom line is, I’ve not been in a really communicative mood. Haven’t felt much like writing and what with the anniversary of Dr. King’s assasination, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching.

It’s been forty years–FORTY years and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was four years of age and I remember seeing my mom crying. She was sitting at the television and sobbing. I knew something historically significant had happened. She wasn’t watching soap opera or a sad movie. At four, I KNEW that my life was going to change immeasurably.

I know what you’re thinking: how could a four year old know how important that event was? Well, in my family, we don’t treat our kids like morons. In my family, we discussed everything–including civil rights and the war in Vietnam. I knew what was going on. Maybe I didn’t understand why blacks weren’t given a fair shake–I grew up in a place where racism may have been alive and kicking, it wasn’t overt. We had a comfortable life…but my mom and dad grew up in Kansas and Mississippi- mom was in school in Kansas during the whole Brown vs. The Board of Education thing. Dad of course, was in MS for the better part of his formative years; no need to tell you that he understood only too well, the Jim Crow laws and lynchings. He’d seen his share of heartache. I think that’s why he enlisted in the Army. See the world and get a better understanding…anyhow, I’ve been thinking that I’m not doing nearly enough to make an impact on the world. What am I doing to keep the ‘dream’ alive? Am I being the best person I can be? Am I trying to help everyone I can with a cheerful heart?

Nope. Not by a long length. I’ve been too busy with my own headnoise. I’ve not been reaching out to my dearest people. I’ve been in my hole. Well, I’m getting out of it.

Lainie: I’m gonna ring ya as soon as I get a phone that won’t drop my calls every five seconds.

Gogammie: You have a call in your future as well.

 

Okay.

 

So, tomorrow is the anniversary of my sister’s death. That’s been on my mind as well.

Twenty-two years. It’s still fresh in my mind and it’s just as hard as it ever was. I miss her every day. I can hear her voice sometimes and it’s unnerving. There are days when I swear I see her walking ahead of me in this city and I rush to say something to her. When I reach my destination, I see that it’s a woman who resembles my sister only in that she’s of a similar build. Tears sting my eyes and I wander off, confused and sad. It’s never easy, kids.

You get sort of used to it, but you’re never over it. So, what do you do? You put one foot in front of the other and you breathe. You embrace the memories and share them with folks who knew her. You listen to music that reminds you of her, of her laughing at your stupid dances, of misheard lyrics…you just keep on truckin’  because you know you’re not the Lone Ranger–other folks have experienced great losses too. Get over  yourself and make your life happen the way you want it to happen. Believe in the miracles you can create.

You marvel at your resilience.

Okay, so if you’re me—you probably eat a ton of ice cream and stay in bed all day.

It’s a coping mechanism.

Get over it.

 

Okay, kids…that was kinda deep and rambling. My apologies.

I love ya and I’m here.

Talk it up. Keep laughing, keep loving and for goodness’ sake, keep on keepin’ on.

 

 

Be well!